LET'S GET REAL

Being an artist is scary! The pressure to create something from nothing is pretty freaking intense. It's painful to know that a shoot might not work out...that the idea, the weather, the lighting, the location, my talents, etc. might not work out or be enough. There's so many stinking variables. 

Every shoot I go into, there's a good chance that it/I will "fail". There are too many uncontrollable factors that play a role for it to go perfectly. And the fear of this paralyzed me for a very long time. 

WORTH

I had this false idea that I had to be perfect at everything. And if I wasn't...I was a worthless failure. I had false stories around my worth. I had attached my worth to my art, to the size of my dirty laundry pile lol, to other people's opinions of me, to my weight, etc. And it was pretty miserable living in those false beliefs and feeling like a big fat failure all the time. But then something happened. I failed for real.

Life Lessons

My photography adventures seem to mirror what's going on with me personally. Life lessons unravel before, during, and after each photoshoot. 

Recently I failed at not 1, but 2 fine art shoots in a row! And guess what!? Nothing bad happened...I got through it, and I didn't die lol. This fear was realized and it made me more powerful. It showed me that life is an experiment and we get to choose how we feel. We are not meant to be perfect. We are meant to screw up, learn, grow, SHARE, and enjoy the experience. 

So in life and art, you can judge yourself for not living up to unrealistic standards, or you can enjoy the process and accept the learning curves of being human. And most importantly to know that:

 

When shiz goes wrong, it can also go right :)

 

Behind the scenes of a "failed" photoshoot.